Is it ok to be selfish??

I'm a very passionate person. In other words, I put my whole self-being- mind, body, and spirit- into anything I do. However, in the long run, I usually end up boring myself if I can't keep it interesting. Not that that's what I'm beginning to feel on this program, but I had an eye opening kind of day.

Today was especially interesting. I was going to go give blood today for my good deed of the day. I'm O-, a universal donor, so I'm needed! After two failed attempts at starting the process (forgetting an ID, having to eat, etc), Chris and I finally made it to the small truck holding the blood drive. He had agreed to do it with me earlier in the day. I let him go first since he had to get to work sooner, and I filled out my questionnaire. The nurse tested my blood for my hemoglobin level. "When was your last menstrual cycle?" he asked. "Umm, now, " I answered, knowing exactly what was coming next as he struggled with the little machine. "Ok Danielle, your HG level is at 11.7, very low. You need to be at least 12.5 in order to give today." I'm sad. I walk out to Chris side, and he gives me a comforting nod. He knew how bad I wanted to give blood today. He says, "Then again, maybe you shouldn't right now...Did you know you burn 650 calories just by giving blood??" HOLY CRAP! That's almost all the calories I've consumed today from my little morsels! Ok, so now's not a good time. The female nurse looks at me questioningly, and asks why that's bad. I explain about my weight loss program and how I'm consuming fewer calories. She starts to go on and on and on about how a program like that is unhealthy for you and theres tons a research that backs it up (which I can't find?). She doesnt give me a chance at all to explain and we leave, my head consumed with thoughts of guilt, confusion, frustration, and anger. I hate second-guessing myself. This lady has no idea who I am and why I'm doing this.

I got home, and sat down with Chris while he ate his cookie and juice to restore his blood sugar. He wasn't sure quite what to say either, but held me to console me. I sat in silence staring at the TV until he left for work. Right before he walked in the door, he said, "Why don't you see if there's a yoga thing free on-demand." I knew exactly what he meant. I've never done yoga, but I've been talking about starting for a while, and he knows how stressed I can get. Wait a second, I have a man who listens?? Crazy. Crazy amazing. He left, and I searched. Sitting alone on the couch in the dark, I found a beginners yoga video on-demand. I started it, and immediately realized how good this could be for me. How good doing anything like this could be good for me. I did the breathing exercises and suddenly felt better- enlightened, if you will. Then I have more realizations...

This first week has not been the easiest. I knew I would be strong enough, but I didn't understand exactly how the program would impact every aspect of my life. My last post was all about falling in love again with Chris, and it's felt amazing. I never knew what it could really feel like to have another half. He completes me (ok Tom Cruise, we get the picture). But SERIOUSLY!? Was this what I was looking for for motivation the entire time? How come I never knew he was strong enough not only for himself, but for me too? He's made me realize that I am strong enough to do anything...

By anything, I mean I am going to change my way about the program. Don't worry! I'm not quitting!! But after coming to an understanding about the program working so fast, I've decided I'm going to decrease my weight loss goal on the program from 40 lbs to 20 lbs. Why, do you ask? Because I feel like I can motivate myself now to lose the other 20 on my own. I am not obese, but want to be healthy, I feel like I am young enough and smart enough to do that on my own. What a moment it is, for me at least, to realize my self-potential. And who knew what a difference it would make to have a partner by your side?

I have no doubts that this program is an amazing motivation to get people on the right track to living a healthy and happy life. I am living proof. If you can get through the first week, you can do anything. Put yourself to the test.

Oh, and please give blood!!